I've never said that I want everything to be like this.
I've never wanted to be like everyone else.
I've never tried to be like everyone else, but still I am, just like everyone else...
This ain't me, I don't know who I am anymore.
I don't know who I've become.

The pain is the only thing that confirms that I'm still alive.
The scars is the only thing that confirms that the past was real.
This reality is just a dark shade in front of my eyes, which makes the darkred blood even more tempting.
And I have to admit... The first cut really is the deepest.
The first cut brings out most of the pain, the following once are just to get rid of all the tiny thoughts that bugs you for the moment.

This summer I found myself... For about a week, then all gone.
I found myself in you, then I dissapeared to somewhere far away.
If you really knew me you'd know that I don't want to fit in anymore.
I'll be just fine with being an outsider, a freak, as long as I'm me, myself.
You'd also know that I don't share many of my thoughts, glad or sad, to anyone but myself.
You'd know that the most painful thing I've ever done... Was to make my mother cry for something I'd done to myself.
If you really knew me...
You'd know that I love to sleep, dream away from the real life, even though I often wakes up crying.
And you'd know that I can't cry in public, I can barely even show that I don't feel well whem I'm in public.
I can't tell a lot to anyone really, 'cause I'm afraid. I don't drag them down as well, I'm better of alone while my heart is turning into stone.
You'd also know that I love my father very much, but hate his actions.

"I see your face
In my mind it haunts me to this day
When I sleep
You're in my dreams
Just can't get away

I lay, I bleed
But you will never see
I cry, I need
You know I need you
I lay, I bleed
But you will never see
I lay, I bleed
The pain inside of me
The pain... the pain"

The pain is a constant reminder while I'm awake.
The nightmares rule the night.
Something will always remind me that I'm alive, that the past really was real.
Waking up crying in panic isn't that unusual anymore... It's more unusual not to.
I've realised that...

I might be better off alone.

I've tried to hard, I'm not good at this and I've never been that either.
Wouldn't it just be easier to just quit?